I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
