And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
