I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize