he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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