it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
