My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
