Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
one might say we're banned from that church
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
