So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
