You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
