He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
