I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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