remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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