I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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