my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
