He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize