apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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