Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
