Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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