Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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