i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
