Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize