she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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