My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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