Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
