I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
