So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
