If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
