I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
