He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
