Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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