no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
