I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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