Pappa wants mamma naked
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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