I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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