woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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