we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Every concussion has its silver lining
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
