You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She bit a glass in half.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
