nut hugger
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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