i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
