Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count

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(631): View more from New York

Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?

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(734): View more from Michigan

You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.

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(301): View more from Maryland

It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form

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(905): View more from Ontario

something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.

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(214): View more from Texas

She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter

(214): View more from Texas

Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?

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(815): View more from Illinois

No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie

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