Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
