i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
