Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
