i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
