Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
