8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I cockslap morals
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
