oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
