there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
