"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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