birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize