thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
