Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You can't motorboat a personality
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
