dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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