I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize