yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
