My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize