The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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