Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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