can we get nightvision for the apartment?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
