If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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