I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
