I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
