you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Randomize
