Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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