why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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