my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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