dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It was like giving head to a cactus.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
