He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
