so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
