i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I have fence marks all over my body
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
