I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
