remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
