No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
