You smell like a Billy Joel song
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
ttyl tear gas
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
