Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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