I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
