Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
